On Church

Poor Dan has been beating himself up since he came home from church today yesterday because he misspoke badly. During sunday school, he whispered to me that every comment he made was in conjunction with what he believes about the mormonism and things that we believe in together, like feminism. He then proceeded to share, with the class, a story of how a girl in his high school never converted to mormonism, and how it was really hard for him, but eventually he learned that even if it is a good cause, people convert on their own timeline and we just have to wait and be patient and hope.

Afterwards, I jokingly said, “Thanks for throwing me under the bus, Dan!” He and I both know I’m never going back to mormonism, which is why I was curious that he would share a story that so obviously seemed like a my-wife-will-convert-back-someday-and-I-just-have-to-be-patient story.

WELL. When Dan heard this construal, his jaw dropped and he was like, “But … but I was talking about feminism! I was thinking about how many Sundays we’ve spent with your family talking about feminism—a, a ‘good cause!’—and how non-feminists still don’t get it!”

“Really? Oh….. ok… Because…that is definitely not how it sounded!” In true form, I had a good laugh at the gaffe. Dan and I always laugh at ourselves, but wasn’t until after my bout of humor ended that I realized Dan didn’t think it was funny. At all. In fact, as I remember it, he said, “I really hope other people didn’t read it that way. That’s set us back a few months.” Yep, all that work into getting people to understand that you can be a mormon and not be devastated and ceaselessly pained that your spouse left the lds church … poof…


I’ll be honest here: I totally wrote this post direct for the handful of people who both read this blog and heard Dan’s comment yesterday. Why? Because we want to eradicate the widespread belief that split-religion homes are something to be endured—are completely devastating—are doomed—or are any less cohesive than a same-religion home. Why do we care about that? Probably because those beliefs do more damage than good when a spouse does leave the lds church.


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