Didn’t get that library job. Pretty crushed.
Looking around for a job… not much hope.
I’m glad I learned all I did as an English major — I never would’ve gotten to the point I am without it. But, sometimes I wonder about the practical use for this degree — especially if the bearer does not want to teach or write.
I put it to use by doing the readreadread, while the husband does the workworkwork. I get antsy feeling like a moocher to my husband’s work, but we’re both happy and fulfilled doing that … so does it matter if one doesn’t pay?
Of course it does. I just can’t imagine a job that I would enjoy as much as I do reading a good book. Seeing myself authentically, I realize that the prospect of having a job isn’t really appealing to me — and the feminist part of me rages as this complacency — didn’t we fight tooth and nail for the right to hold a job? Aren’t we currently fighting for equal pay? I want to be that kind of feminist. I want to be the kind of person to chase a career and climb the ladder
but, I have to recognize that I’m not.
So, how do I reconcile this within myself? How do I define myself within this marriage — living off the earnings of my husband? How do I keep my self-respect? It would be different, if I had a child to look after, but I don’t. The idea of being a permanent stay-at-home-mom is a bit repellent … but let’s be honest here. I am a stay-at-home-spouse. I cook, I clean, Dan cooks, Dan cleans. I study, he studies. He works, I don’t.
I am happy reading, socializing, sitting with the cats. I plan on continuing my schooling in one subject or other throughout my life; I don’t plan on building a career out of any of them — only working in that field for a bit before I get restless and want to move on. But I don’t feel completely at peace with this right now — it’s hard to respect yourself when you’re living off of someone else’s earnings.
I guess what I’m asking is, am I allowed to be content with life-and-no-job? Is that ok, or a bit despicable? I feel like I should be asking this to feminists instead of to my general group of friends, but I really want to hear your input. You all run the gamut of experience, and I need some help settling this part of my identity and needs.